When People Say Things They Don't Mean...

Most of the time, I try to speak only when I have something to say, and when I mean what I say. Sure, I'm not immune to a white lie or two, here and there, and I would choose to omit something if I don't think it's necessary to reveal myself. However, I generally don't try to mislead or misguide others, or misrepresent myself or be "fake." I'm pretty much "what you see is what you get" and at times I even wear my emotions on my sleeves a bit too much.

So what I don't understand is why some people choose to not be truthful. "I'd like to be friends" or "Let's do dinner tomorrow" or "I'll call you." They never meant it. Or friends who won't return calls or email, and then they say "oh, I was very busy" when I know they actually weren't. It's very frustrating for me to trust people sometimes because I don't know what is real and what is not. I've met enough people who "faked" me out that I became aware of trying to protect myself from potential disappointment and hurt. Granted, I know I can appear to be aloof or distant and maybe other people think I'm faking them out, too. The reality is, I'm always very sincere, and if I don't like someone, he or she will know. I don't pretend to be friendly to anyone, and I don't make any promise I don't intend to keep. And if I can't do something, I will let them know.

I wish people would be less inclined to "try to be nice." Let's be frank, shall we? Don't worry about hurting my feelings. It's more humane that way, most of the time.

Comments

Art_Journaler said…
I can relate to this so much. These thoughts are *exactly* why I don't have more than a few people in my real life I call friends. Sure, it's lonely, but a trail of burns is hard to heal from (a little more than just broken promises and white lies, I'm afraid). So, it's difficult for me to trust. ::sighs::
Unique Material said…
Dear Ray -

Sorry I've been away. Seems like we've both learned the same lesson lately - namely - honesty and frank and open don't work in this world.

I don't know why. If you find out - call me, m'kay?
ORION said…
OH NO! Is this about me???? I was in Norway um and then New York..and and I have a book coming out!!!!
Just kidding.
You make a good point Ray.
(Have you sold that ARC on ebay yet?)
Ray Wong said…
I am keeping that ARC until the day I die.

(and did you sell mine to the used book bin for $1.99?)
Kira said…
Social pressure to be nice - I hear you.

I decided last year to just say what I really thought, and I was doing pretty well until a friend got a boob job. She asked me what I thought. I wanted to say that she looked great (better) before, but I didn't.

Shame on me.

Honesty's hard. Good for you, Ray, for being honestly who you are.
Ray Wong said…
Honesty is hard, especially for someone like me, who wants to please everybody. But through life I've learned that you don't have to pretend just to have people like you. The fact is, people don't like you anyway, whether you pretend or not, and they won't tell you the truth either, so why bother?

I'm just going to relax and be myself for a while.
Anonymous said…
I used to have one of those "been busy lately" friends. That was just before he disappeared for good.

Also had a friend who didn't bother with the excuses and just disappeared without a word.

The latter method was less annoying actually.
Ray said…
I can relate.
I haven't disappeared, Ray. I'm just up to my eyeballs in...well, let's just say, I'm better off not hanging around anyone at the moment. Just know that when I say I think you're a really great guy, I do mean it. ((HUGS)) And by the way, you do have my cell # and I'm always available to talk after 7 PM. ;)

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