The Other Side of Being Wonderful

I want to be Mr. Wonderful.

One of my flaws is that I care too much about what other people think, and I want everybody to love Raymond. I understand the futility of such wishful thinking but at least that's a motivation for me to try to be selfless, considerate, nice. Wonderful. It's not always easy, as I'm a rather self-centered person.

But being wonderful has its drawbacks. Many drawbacks. The old adage that "nice guys finish last," for one thing. Another thing is Mr. Wonderful often finds that people tend to not take him seriously. It's not like they don't respect him; they do. But they tend to think that just because he's so nice about everything, his advice doesn't carry that much weight. I don't know why. People tend to listen to others who are more "authoritative" or brash or aggressive. I've had plenty of experiences dealing with clients who want a second opinion simply because "Ray seems such a nice guy..." They somehow equated "nice" as being "weak" or "uncertain."

Mr. Wonderful also don't have a lot of friends. It may sound strange; after all, everyone likes a nice person as friend, right? Not necessarily. I think many are actually intimidated by someone who is nice, for whatever reasons. I know people who wouldn't call Mr. Wonderful or invite him to dinner or anything, and he found out later that because they thought "you must be very busy because you must be very popular. So I didn't bother." It must be good for Mr. Wondeful's ego -- you'd think -- but the reality is that it's simply not true, and he ends up being home alone.

Mr. Wonderful also sets up expectations. Mr. Wonderful is always amiable. Mr. Wonderful is always considerate. Mr. Wonderful never raises his voice. Mr. Wonderful will not mind if you don't call or write or invite him to a party or count him in for an outing. Mr. Wonderful must have lots of friends. Mr. Wonderful must have a lot of dates. Mr. Wonderful will laugh it off and avoid any awkwardness if you even dare to show a hint of interest in him. Mr. Wonderful must either be married or has plenty of romantic opportunities. Mr. Wonderful must be unapproachable.

And if Mr. Wonderful stops being so wonderful sometimes, people would think much less of him because something must be wrong with him. Mr. Wonderful is probably an egomaniac in reality. Mr. Wonderful is just a facade. Mr. Wonderful is not truly that wonderful. Mr. Wonderful really hates you.

So. Being Mr. Wonderful is not always that wonderful. It can be a curse, actually.

And I'm no Mr. Wonderful.

Really.