A New Direction?

After posting all that news about me, I am exhausted from myself. I'm kind of tired of talking about myself. I know, it's my blog and most people talk about themselves on their blogs. I just don't feel I'm a very interesting person to keep talking about myself. As much as I like some attention (anything for publicity! LOL) I really don't feel comfortable with self-promotion. I don't know how others do it, going on TV and radio and magazines and newspapers telling people how great they are.

Perhaps it's my upbringing. I grew up learning to be humble. When I was very young, my parents would tell me I was a braggart, and I should stop. They discouraged me for bragging about myself, and they wouldn't indulge me with praises. So, I learned to feel guilty about my desire to talk about myself, to tell people what I did or how proud I was about what I did. I wanted the attention, but I also felt really bad about wanting it, and getting it. To these days, I still can't gracefully say "Thank you" when someone offers me a compliment. I feel weird if someone notices me. I remember when I used to go to the clubs, I would have very narrow vision. I didn't like to make eye contacts. And when my friends would tell me, "they so totally were checking you out," I was like "get out of here." Part of me felt good, and part of me felt very uncomfortable and didn't want to believe it was true.

My recent bout of media attention has brought back the same feelings again. On one hand I know I need to capitalize on it -- as a writer/actor/artist, I know publicity is only good for my career. The more people know about me, the more books I could sell, and the more acting jobs I could get. I know that, and I'm doing it. But at the same time, I feel extremely uncomfortable. I feel like people are laughing at me behind my back, calling me an attention whore, a braggart, a publicity hound, a Paris Hilton wannabe. The funny thing is, it has nothing to do with my parents this time. In fact, ironically, they're now probably the most enthusiastic supporters I have. They were genuinely proud of me when they showed up at my book signing in California.

Why do I still feel this way? After being in the US for so many years, haven't I learned that self-promotion is very much part of this culture, especially in the arts? Or should I take the Zen approach and adopt the "Don't ask, don't want, don't need" philosophy and just see what happens? There are times when I do struggle with these two very different approaches.

So, I am going to do an experiment. After this post, I am going to try not to talk so much about myself anymore. I am going to comment more on other people, the world around me, maybe a bit of politics, world affairs, and observation. I'm going to try to take myself out of the commentaries. Would it work? And how would it feel?

I'm ready to find out.

Comments

Unique said…
Ray - you are just fine. I haven't seen you bragging - just sharing your accomplishments with us.

Please don't change and get the big head; people that blow their own horn are usually out of tune. (and come off quite brassy) ;)

But I am looking forward to your experiment. I want to know what you think and how you feel about this great wide world around you.

YFL
Ray Wong said…
Thanks, Unique. I think it's going to be fun to focus on others instead of myself. I am, seriously, rather tired of hearing my own name.
Lori said…
Taking an interest in others is always a good idea.
I never saw you as a braggard, Ray. Letting people know your accomplishments is simply that. I look forward to coming to your end of town and "hearing" what you've been doing lately. But if you insist on talking about world views, or politics, or your neighbors cat, far be it from me to stop you. ;)

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