Years ago I achieved #c with my writing -- I decided that I was a good writer, just not one with enough proficiency and skills yet. I still don't think I've achieved excellence, but it also doesn't seem impossible, even when I compare my writing to the "greats." I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, but I do believe that I have a knack for this writing thing. Perhaps I may never become "great" but I'm also very comfortable with being just "very good." I'm getting there.
Now, music is another matter. I've always loved music. I'd say I share equal passion in both music and writing -- in fact, they're related. I've always been a decent singer, and I have an ear for good composition, arrangement and melodies. However, I'm not a good performer. I buckle under pressure, and I can't really play instruments well. All that, of course, can be learned and perfected, but there's a nagging feeling that the most I could achieve with my music would be #b. I enjoy composing and writing songs, and I continue to learn and enjoy the learning, but I feel that I'm so far behind the curve. Not that I think my music is utter crap, but I listen to the masters out there, and I'm in awe, and I realize I could spend 50 years learning and perfecting my musical abilities and I would still not achieve 30% of what these people could do.
And the main realization is: I'm not all that frustrated and shattered by it. If someone told me I would never become a good writer, I'd probably want to jump off a bridge. But if someone told me I would never become a good composer/songwriter, I would be fine with it. So what does it say about me and my music? Do I seriously recognize my limitations, or am I giving up too easily because I lack the passion?
Right now, I do enjoy the spurts of creativity, if only for my own amusement. And maybe eventually I'll finish the album and move on. I'm just not in a big hurry, and I'm actually enjoying myself. So that has to be a good thing.
2500 words, 30700 words total
280 days and 154800 words to go